Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
