I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
