The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
