i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
