it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
