the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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