I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
