Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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