I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize