i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize