i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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