Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
