Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
