Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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