taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
