I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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