Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
