I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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