ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
