saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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