winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
