I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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