yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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