P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
