I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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