i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
