Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
