I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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