He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
