Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
