I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
