In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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