my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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