i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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