I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
