Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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