if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
