Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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