You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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