the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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