when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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