My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
