Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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