well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
