life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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