i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
