oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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