he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
being pregnant is like rehab
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
