TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
