Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
