I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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