I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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