Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Randomize
