I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
