his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
