So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
