ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Less talking, more tequila
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
