i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so let's talk penis.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
