i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
