Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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