you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
