i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just invented taco cereal.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
