At least make sure they are 18
Why
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize