i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
