It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
