i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize