Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
