dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
