after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
