I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Jerry, you need to find god
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
