Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
